| |
| |
|
Leadership Information |
|
|
|
Evil, Hostile Grumpy Listeners? Think Again
I hated Kyle Sisk*. A notorious bully, Kyle punctuated my grade school years with misery. He would tease me about my weight, purposely rattle me with shocking language, delight in making me look foolish at every opportunity. Kyle had scary, penetrating eyes and sharp, jagged teeth that looked, appropriately, like fangs. He even had his own evil henchman named Eddie who would follow him everywhere, laughing a conspiratorial little laugh asking, "Heh, heh, what are we going to do next, Kyle? Heh, heh." (All Eddie was missing was a hump.) A typical encounter was the time I was walking home from school and Kyle and Eddie pounced from behind some bushes, grabbed my books and threw them in the mud. Even worse, they snatched my precious, brand new little purse and threw it into the branches of a tree, far out of reach. They then ran off cackling in triumph. I, purseless, limped home in tears. A Sad Reprieve This type of treatment continued all through grade school. I enjoyed the respite of summertime before we started at our new junior high school but September came and with it, my sense of dread at seeing Kyle again. I was given a reprieve, but an unwelcome one. That first week of school, my father died suddenly of a massive heart attack. I stayed home from school for about a week for the funeral and family visits. My first day back, the teachers wanted to take it easy on me so they gave me the coveted duty of going to each classroom and placing the absentee list on each teacher's desk. I felt special to be excused from class and was enjoying my rounds when I came to Mr. Lester's science class. I entered the room and my heart stopped. There, sitting right next to Mr. Lester's desk was Evil Incarnate himself, Kyle. There was no avoiding him--he had seen me come in--so I braced myself for whatever abuse he was no doubt preparing, but as I got closer I noticed that he didn't have his usual smug expression. He was looking down at his desk sheepishly. Very odd. As I lay the paper on the teacher's desk, Kyle looked up at me with big, soft eyes and in a timid, tentative voice said, "I'm sorry your old man croaked." A State of Shock I was stunned. Not from the inelegance of the sentiment, but rather from the realization that Kyle-even KYLE-had the capacity to feel and express compassion. "I'm sorry your old man croaked" wasn't exactly poetic, but to me it was the sweetest expression of kindness I had ever heard. It was in that moment that I realized that everyone, no matter how intimidating, has good in there somewhere. A Lesson for Speaking I think we need to remember this when we speak to our audiences. We look out and see grumpy frowns or intimidating scowls but even those listeners have hearts and the potential to connect with us. We might not be able to connect right away--maybe not ever--but just about everyone has that basic human spark of goodness through which we all connect. Besides, you've heard the old saying, "Behind every jerk is a sad story." We need to remember that the most intimidating, obnoxious audience members you will ever face most likely got to be that way because of pain. Looking back, Kyle's bullying no doubt stemmed from his miserable home life. His lashing out at me on the schoolyard is not much different than the heckler at a comedy club or a nit-picking critic at a presentation. Frustration, disappointment, powerlessness-they all lead to acting out, and as speakers we're sometimes on the receiving end. But no matter how bad the behavior, those difficult listeners in your audience still have the capacity to support you. I think we can foster their humanness by being the first to reach out in a spirit of openness and service. When we speak to serve, with a genuine desire to do good for our listeners, we increase the likelihood that their negative energy will diminish in favor of a positive connection. There's no guarantee that they will reach back to support us, and they may even keep up their offensive behavior, but let's at least allow for the possibility that they might not be as evil as we think. *Name has been changed to protect privacy About The Author Melissa Lewis turns traditional thinking about public speaking upside down to give people more comfort, confidence and charisma in front of groups. She is a former comic actress, a certified facilitator of SPEAKING CIRCLES( , president-elect of the National Speakers Association Kansas City Chapter and author of the soon-to-be-released book, Upside Down Speaking. For more information call (913) 341-1241 or visit www.upsidedownspeaking.com. melissa@upsidedownspeaking.com
MORE RESOURCES:
Leadership - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Being an Extraordinary Leader Through Tough and Challenging Times Tough and challenging times will surely come. That is a given. Leaders Click It" Into Gear! "Click It" Into Gear!Ever wonder how two people can be in the same meeting, hear the same speaker communicate the same message - yet once the meeting is over, each person's perception of the event is totally different?Why the different perception? How can one individual think the meeting was terrific and leave completely inspired and motivated, yet the other person walks away believing the total opposite?Answer: "THE CLICK" (More on this in a minute!)Picture yourself being told that your department is about to undergo a major downsizing. (Not a pretty picture, to be sure. Leadership Training: The Bit They Didn't Tell You About Changing! A willingness to change first is one of the major pre requisites for leaders!If the situation is deadlocked or blocked, they need to find the best opportunity, shift their personal perspective to accommodate it and take action from there. This is no matter how personally attached they are to their current position!Three sixty degree feedback is a great example. Ten Ways Women Can Visualize Themselves As Leaders Women should not be afraid of or feel guilty about taking a leadership role--in their organization, in their community, in their own lives. What could you accomplish if you were leading your life instead of simply living your life?1. Leadership, Self-Development, and the Committment to Growth There is a common phrase that says: "You can't teach an old dog new tricks." I know that most of us have heard it. Leadership: Seed or Fruit? Purpose: Learn immediately if you are fostering leadership or ignoring it. Discover the power of nurturing your people. A Blueprint for Leadership - How to Be a Better Leader If you were to build a house, you would begin with a blueprint. This blueprint proves useful because it contains more than directions on how to build a house. Leadership For Deep Results: Without Them Are You Wasting Your Leadership And Your Life? (Part One) I've challenged all leaders I have worked with during the past two decades to achieve "more results faster continually."They can get on track to start achieving such results not by working harder and longer but by slowing down and using Leadership Talks on a daily basis. Leadership For Deep Results: Without Them Are You Wasting Your Leadership And Your Life? (Part Two) How does one go about getting deep results? There are many paths up this mountain. But one path is straight and steep and clear. Five Surprisingly Hip Politicial Ideas From Plato Don't you love politics?Me, neither. But I do like thinking about politics. Managing Monsters in Meetings - Part 2, Multiple Conversations Side conversations ruin meetings by destroying focus and fragmenting participation.Approach 1: Ask for cooperationStart by asking everyone to cooperate. Are You a Good Manager or a Great Leader? Your word is your truth - Know that when you speak, you will fulfill your promise to others and others will know they can depend on you. Think before you speak. Trust - The Most Vital Component in Leadership "Trust is the emotional glue that binds followers and leaders together."- Warren Bennis and Bert Nanus"If you don't believe in the messenger, you won't believe the message. The Three Faces of Leadership This article was published in the Nov. 2003 edition of Hamilton, Ontario's BIZ Magazine under the title "Leadership's Triple Crown" LMWhat does it take to be the head of a small business, a department manager, or even a corporate CEO? The effective director isn't one persona but three: a Visionary, a Manager, and a Mentor/Coach. The Synergy Effect Have you ever considered that everything you want in life comes from someone else? The greatest minds in any field are keenly aware of the value of working with and involving others in life plans, business, work and personal commitments.We often have the notion that we operate in a vacuum, and that we are solely responsible for everything that happens in our lives. Strengthening Leadership Development with Employees Within every business lies a network of people who are working to make their employer successful. Because growing business requires more employees, employers need to seek prospective candidates who will align well with their business. Five Steps Towards Greater Self Confidence We watch the star athlete calmly make the final shot, score the winning goal, or lead his team for a touchdown in the final minute of the game. We marvel at their talent and their determination, but what we value and admire most is the supreme confidence they display - they know they will succeed. The Incandescence Of The Human Spirit There lives within every individual a power, an energy, an incandescence of spirit that is being constantly held in check, like a dimmer switch turned way down.A lifetime of being told: "we are nothing special; to stand out is egotistic and wrong; to conform is necessary; to be different is bad; the collective good must be served even to the determent of our own being; we must support; we must never defy; to question authority is inherently evil; the majority is always right; don't rock the boat;" -- creates an habitual thought pattern of lassitude, often leaving us without any sense of our ability to make a substantial difference and therefore with no real sense of urgency. The Seven Army Values - Theyre Not Just For The Military The Army defines seven values that soldiers should strive to emulate in their daily lives. These core values establish a standard of conduct; they form the foundation of personal behavior that defines the person, as well as the expectations soldiers have of one another. 5 Human Capital Asset Enrichment Strategies for Leaders! Here's a really simple way to think about the ins and outs, the doing and practice or attitudes and behaviors of being a leader.Many times I get asked certain questions that tell me that there seems to be some confusion concerning these critical areas of the leadership mission:1) When and who can, should or will leaders need to lead?2) What do leaders actually do?3) How and in what ways do leaders appear to lead?This article will show you how to analyze, define and perform the most important task of a leader's job - that is, to enrich human capital.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2006 |
